On Tuesday, which I just realized is tomorrow, I’ll be flying back to the US for a couple of weeks, marking an end to this most recent stage of wandering. I’ve spent five weeks traveling through Central America and three months living in Mexico.

When deciding on how best to summarize these adventures, I had no idea what to write. Should I talk about the number of insect bites I, or someone I was traveling with, received? (The final count was 1 millipede bite – this creature was the size of a toothpaste tube!, 2 bee stings, 1 wasp sting, 1 jellyfish bite, 1 scorpion attack, a night of fleas in the bed and one disturbed and unnecessarily aggressive fire ant.)

In the end I decided to start off talking about art…actually Art…and just see where it leads…

  • Art was the acquaintance of a friend of a friend who picked me up at the airport in San Jose, Costa Rica at the start of this adventure – a Harley-riding, pistol-packing, ex-hippie, crucifix and Jesus statue-collecting, synagogue-attending, expat who invited me to stay at his isolated mountaintop hideout for two nights…oddly enough he cooked a mean lasagna…
  • Moving north, I tried my hand at super-ultra relaxation (which became a recurring theme on this trip) on the black sand beaches of Nicaragua’s barely pulsating Isle de Omotepe…thanks to the hammocks and lack of anything to do, I maybe moved a total of 26 feet in 3 days…
  • Upon arrival in Managua, I found myself needing to be slightly more alert as I ignored all advice and roamed the intriguingly dangerous streets of Managua…until a security guard demanded that I leave the area because “my personal safety was in immediate danger” and I then noticed a gang of unfriendly-looking fellows on pimped out BMXs following me around…
  • I then went volcano boarding outside of Leon, Nicaragua which resulted in losing 1 liter of blood and having to pick tiny shards of volcanic rock out of hundreds of open wounds on my body…for three straight weeks (I actually found a piece of rock in my hair five weeks later, which I guess more than anything doesn’t say much for my shampooing habits)…
  • Due to spending too much time in Nicaragua, I was forced to sprint through El Salvador (not without a pub crawl in San Salvador that involved a Guns N Roses karaoke session and a wacky taxi driver that had just spent 3 years in a US deportation prison) and Guatemala (where one piece of cheesecake, a ferris wheel, a salsa club, Berta’s taco stand and a bus ride to the wrong border town are what stick out most in my memory)…
  • At this point I reached Mexico, where I traveled to Oaxaca, Mexico City and then over to the village of Sayulita, located an hour north of Puerto Vallarta. I’ve already written about these places in Secrets from a Cesspool so I’ll avoid repeating myself here. I’ll just pick it up where I left off…which is when I left the village of Sayulita about five weeks ago…
  • I took a one week excursion to visit a friend near the city of Queretaro, where we stayed at an isolated 1,000 acre ranch owned by a Godfather-esque figure named Ricardo, while eating endless plates of food over four-hour long meals, observing ghosts wander the grounds at night (don’t ask), participating in a ‘constellation’ therapy (I can’t even explain this, but it was intense and a lot of people were crying) and finishing off with a hearty meal of fried worms wrapped up in tortillas and a bizarre chiropractic session that left crop circles on my back for a week…

  • It was then time to experiment with slowing down my pace of life, aiming to not only eliminate all stress, but even the mere possibility of stress…so I spent one month living in the barely noticeable village of Chacala – a 300-person, one-road, two-shop, nothing open after 6pm, no need for a shirt or shoes, home to an empty stretch of beach and more roosters than humans kind of community where going to the store to buy a banana is considered a strenuous activity…
  • And finally, during my last week I trekked over to Las Varas, the closest ‘town’ to Chacala (and home to the closest barber), in order to cut off the afro that had somehow grown on top of my noggin. And would you believe it, guess who I ran into? (Click on the photo if you can’t guess who I looked like)

Weird.

Today I’m actually in Puerto Vallarta, as I decided to stay here for two days before my flight tomorrow. Somehow I managed to book a room at an impressive resort, complete with 8 beachside pools, a private stretch of sand and a massive room with Jacuzzi and ocean view…all for $40/night, so I’m feeling quite satisfied with myself right now as I sit here listening to the waves roll in right outside my balcony door…

Anyway, my friends, it’s time to move on to the next stage of wandering, to take a break from violent surfing crashes (this video sums it up quite well) and speaking Spanish in a dialect that only my other gringo friend down here can seem to understand.

Where the next stage will take me I have no idea, although it very well may involve a return to Mexico in December. But before I decide on my next destination and before I decide whether or not to buy that camel I’ve been shopping for, I’m off to spend my first Thanksgiving at home in 7 years.